Expressions of Imperfect Growth

I have high functioning Bipolar depression. It may appear as someone who does not need treatment or successful treatment, but this is far from the case. It took me decades to understand what it was and why other women who have mental health challenges and are high functioning are oftentimes surviving but not truly thriving.





Those who are high functioning with mental health challenges are often high achievers or are on the path to becoming one. They appear stable in their career, self care, social, financial, mental, physical and emotional life. But like all great actors, this is only an illusion to a larger problem. For me, this illusion forced me to develop survival subpar coping skills. I worked around my bipolar, I compensated but mostly powered through, not having the awareness or understanding that this created more pain and was burdensome. All it did was created a loop of ongoing distress.

I learned how to break the loop. I will provide the tools that I have learned and continue to learn over the next series of posts and videos. But I will let you in on the first step...it is awareness.

A decade or so ago I told one of my therapists or psychiatrists that I felt like I was always “on stage”. I didn’t know it then but, I had awareness all along but wasn’t fully aware of what that meant and more importantly what I could do with that knowledge.

I am a performer. I have always been involved in the arts, through mostly singing but also dance, theater, oratory and debate. In order to prepare for any of my performances, I transform into a character but keep elements of myself that make sense for the work. So when I am going through another loop of symptoms, I again transform into “Mariette”, or who I think I should be at that time, with only small traces of my present disposition. This allows my audience a sense of comfort (even if they are not aware of it) as I continue to make conference calls, volunteer, socialize etc. with only small to moderate traces of what I really feel….that I don’t even want to get out of bed because I feel empty inside.

If you are ready to learn the tools to break the loop and stop feeling like you are surviving on stage, continue to read next series of posts as I take you through the journey to create a new path.